You said it. Now we'll have to kill you. (Part 1)

Ignoring any sort of blogging activity in the recent past I feel compelled to come back from the dead. Its just that the list is always growing. And we must realize that the run-of-the-mill quips / comments / jokes people use in conversation and sometimes to imply humor are actually just ammo against their passing as likeable, normal people.

With many friends who live vicariously through other’s efforts, there will be others contributing to this list as it grows. O, and it will grow.

“LOL”

So the other day I receive an email from an old friend. Someone I haven’t met in a long time and so its obviously not someone I’m displeased to hear from. But then I see the subject line and its titled “long time no see lol......”. Call me dense if you want, but what is there to laugh out loud about here? Being ‘nice’ I reply back and ask a few polite question about life and how this friend is. And get a reply that starts with ‘lol …. I’m ok .. lol”. Am I missing the humor here?

Its like those annoying chats where the whole time you are in conversation the other person is lol-ing with each reply. What, what, WHAT is so funny about me telling you how work is going that is making you laugh out LOUD!

Even facebook status’ aren’t safe. “Life is a bitch .. lol” .. “Lost my phone .. lol .. message me your #s”.

So that’s it. One more lol out of you with no real context means that you will have to be committed.

“Freedom”

The overuse of, and the wrong context to gets this on the list. Especially with recent US election history and certain wars that need to end. As far as I understand it, if you are fighting for freedom then you are not the attacker but the attacked. Yes it wonderful to be free. And no I do not want to live life shrouded indoors and not allowed to step out. Its just that I’ve heard it way too much. And almost always from the sort of person who uses it in the wrong context.

So no you may not ask people if they value their freedom just to justify wars that started for other reasons.

And neither is it socially correct - or non-retarded for that matter – to ask people if they like freedom? What kind of response do you give to that? Um no, I like living in the cage that Hansel was put in to fatten up?

“Have a nice one”

Admittedly having lived in the States the last few years I have heard this a lot more then in other places. But during my last trip home I had quite a few a ‘have a nice one’ comments sprinkled here and there at the end of a few conversations. If its travelling across continents then its definitely making it to the list.

Have a nice what? What does that even mean? Are people so lazy now that they can’t even give a decent goodbye blessing or farewell or whatever? What is “one”? What are you wishing on the other person when you wish them a nice “one”.

Till someone answers that question no one should be allowed to wish you a ‘nice one’ without explanation.

“Good times”

Term contribution: Rosie

At the end of a conversation, even if it’s a good one, why do people feel the need to seal fate? As affirming that yes, it was good talking to you. You aren’t a moron and I am not going to block these last fifteen minutes out as a painful memory. If that’s not annoying enough, the overuse of the term makes you want to push the person guilty of saying it over a very, very high cliff that overlooks sharp rocks. This kind of person applies it to everything. I was talking about bread – why does that connate a good time?

“Hella / Fail / Fuckin’ A”

Term Contributor: T & I

So this pertains solely to brown people. I’m not racist, far from it in fact. Its just certain slang just does not maintain the correct innuendo when used by different races. And in this case its all you fellow brownies.

Take this conversation for example – true story mind you.

Me: “Hi Happy Birthday ! Whats up”. 

Brown person: “Dude Im hella trashed at home. It was cold so I said Fuckin’ A man lets gets drunk right here at home.”

Me: “Glad you are having a good time.”

Brown person: “Fuckin A man. Fucking A”.

Um really? See, it just doesn’t match the face. And besides this attempt to slang didn’t even make sense. Why would you say Fuckin’ A to the cold? Or a lame party at home with er, your goldfish and your roommate?

Another example for you – and T swears its true. Facebook example no less.

Brown girl A puts up as her status: Saw Tabu and asked her if she was Juhi Chawla and Tabu got mad.

Brown girl B posts two pictures of both actors side by side and says: How could you mix them up?

Brown girl A: Fail.

As in epic failure? Fail? What? Need I say more?

“Omg! That’s .. soooo .. funnnnyyy”

Term Contributor: Rosie & I

So while we are playing the race card we must add that this is a very White term. And as much as I hate to admit it, its also limited to women.

So first off IM talk – as in abbreviations for whoever may take a mental minute – should be limited to online talk. And online talk only. I mean how lazy are you that you can’t speak in full sentences? What if everyone just normally talked like that?

Girl A: “Omg I’m so tired of her.”

Girl B: “Fml me too!”

Girl A: “She told me she would BRT. I mean Wtf?”

Girl B: “You should tell her to DIAF. Lol”

Girl A: “Omg! That’s .. soooo .. funnnnyyy”

Not only is it bad enough that ‘normal’ people are now talking in IM, but they are also dragging out sentences. Slowly. Not to mention painfully. So you tell me, how could this not be listed?

“When did you learn to speak English?”

Term Contributor: T

This has probably happened to every brown person I know living in the States. Especially from those who claim to be well versed in culture because they have a token friend of color. Admittedly though there is a higher chance of you hearing this in the Midwest. Sorry but you know its true.

How can a normal person ask someone that question with a straight face? More so, if we are actually having a conversation in PERFECT ENGLISH and you ask me how it is that my English is so good, how do you expect me to react? I mean are you retarded?

Or then when did I learn to speak English. All I really want to say to that is since I was a baby bitch. We were colonized too – look it up.

That’s the end of part one. I know the list is always growing -  I should start writing these down or something.

DAWN.COM | Provinces | Solutions needed

DAWN.COM | Provinces | Solutions needed

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Tearing Down Spirits

Obama in The Audacity of Hope:
Increasingly, I [Obama] found myself spending time with people of means - law firm partners and investment bankers, hedge fund managers
and venture capitalists. As a rule, they were smart, interesting people knowledgeable about public policy, liberal in their politics,
expecting nothing more than a hearing of their opinions in exchange for checks... They believed in the free market and an educational
meritocracy; they found it hard to imagine that there might be any social ill that could not be cured with a high SAT score. They had no
patience with protectionism, found unions troublesome, and were not particularly sympathetic to those whose lives were upended by
movements of global capital. Most were adamantly pro-choice and were
vaguely suspicious of deep religious sentiment...”

An education means being truly enlightened. To see more. To hear more.To know more in essence. Going off of Obama’s realization, the most
educated people belonging to the true public policy, egalitarian school of thought that believe in the strength of knowledge.  In the fruits it can bring and the challenges it can impose on those that choose to leave us in the dark.

The newest addition to the control of the Homeland though seems to enjoy the darker choice. (Excuse the pun on the infamous ‘dark side’.) The parallel legal system run by the Taleban demands a personal
interpretation of Sharia that cannot help but make me extremely, not near vaguely, suspicious of the this deep religiosity.

Quoting desi legal experts"The Taleban have always said they want the implementation of their version of Sharia law here."

I have to admit here though that how can general citizens be expected abide by the law when felons and former drug abusers run the government. Choicely ignored, this has always been ignored as we can
see by the current top rooster of the green-and-white homeland, or by the former head of the blue-red-and-white country.

Going back to our so-called religious leaders, aside from the legality of the matter, I find it hard to believe that any religious book would allow the tearing down of, and banning of girls schools. All the hard
work of building a geographically challenged area, especially by
extraordinary people like Greg Mortenson who have dedicated their lives to the cause of education is now crumbling right in front of us.

(Greg Mortenson has spent the last decade or so building girl’s
schools and improving lives between the most remote parts of Pakistan and Afghanistan. To learn more visit: 

www.gregmortenson.com)

While there are good things happening in Pakistan, the restoration of the Chief Justice being the most recent example, I am wondering why so little heed is being paid to the crucial issue over such sentiment.

Where is the long-march for the ambush of lives and the tearing down of spirits?

Do We Truly Want Change

With the coming of a new year, I can’t help but wonder if 2009 — despite the familiarity, and slight over use of the “yes we can” slogan — will really be a year of change. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a pessimist I am not one to write off the world. I can assure you I have gotten in to more then one heated debated in defense of a certain revolutionary politician even though I have no voting rights to support him. I believe that people can change and move mountains if they may wish — the question though is, how many actually want to?

Here in the States I have witnessed history in the past few months; where an entire nation’s efforts helped install a leader that tradition of a decade or so ago would make his mere nomination itself unfathomable, let alone his installation to the highest office of their Country. But they came together, and even those that usually chose to remain indifferent to politicians and the world they run actually got up and knocked on doors to canvas for someone they believed in. What’s more, people around the Globe have celebrated the coming of this politician, each claiming that the human race can and has evolved.

With a whole new year ahead of us and with all this talk of change, I cannot help but question how many of us have evolved enough to believe in this cross-cultural, cross-border change.
How far have the business owners who voted blue come if they only did so for anticipated tax cuts and benefits? Would they have done so if they couldn’t conveniently blame everything that’s wrong with the Country on the current, and more then slightly amusing, President?

I have to say here that the hard-core republicans who did vote red I guess deserve some credit. They never claimed to have evolved at all this past year and had no qualms about it. In fact, it was more then obvious that most had more concern about opposition from someone who — don’t forget to gasp here — had the middle name of Hussein, versus pushing for they voters to elect a second-in-command who had no clue as to the location of Africa.

Many polls around the US, and the world in fact, show that people of all colors and races embraced the coming of this new revolutionary leader because they feel it is a huge step for the world. With his charming demeanor and his willingness to — gasp again please — negotiate with terrorists before deciding to wipe out entire nations. But have these same people, claiming to be on the more educated, blue side of the debate, really come a long way?

I wondered this when an Indian friend lashed out at me during the terror attacks in Mumbai and brazenly stated that she would never— and I quote — have respect for a Pakistani ever again. I wondered if she realized that at that very time my very Pakistani, green passport bearing, granny just happened to be frantically calling her sister in India who lives about a block away from the ill-fated Taj Hotel.

Could the human race really have evolved if those who share a common heritage are so quick to write off an entire race? Or wait, I must correct myself here. Write off half a race because the other half was, well, born on the other side of an imaginary line called the Indian-Pakistan border.

Of all those openly claiming that they are enlightened enough to believe in this proposed change, I wonder how many will think about it when they roll up to private clubs across the bigger metropolitans of Lahore, Karachi and Islamabad. Will they think about the most recent bombs that went off in Lahore? How many of those who are actually in the position to do something about this idealistic thought of turning around the human race will so much as want to bring it about?

So how much then, I have to ask again, can we actually believe in this idea of change when our basic mentality is of intolerance?