Ignoring any sort of blogging activity in the recent past I feel compelled to come back from the dead. Its just that the list is always growing. And we must realize that the run-of-the-mill quips / comments / jokes people use in conversation and sometimes to imply humor are actually just ammo against their passing as likeable, normal people.
With many friends who live vicariously through other’s efforts, there will be others contributing to this list as it grows. O, and it will grow.
“LOL”
So the other day I receive an email from an old friend. Someone I haven’t met in a long time and so its obviously not someone I’m displeased to hear from. But then I see the subject line and its titled “long time no see lol......”. Call me dense if you want, but what is there to laugh out loud about here? Being ‘nice’ I reply back and ask a few polite question about life and how this friend is. And get a reply that starts with ‘lol …. I’m ok .. lol”. Am I missing the humor here?
Its like those annoying chats where the whole time you are in conversation the other person is lol-ing with each reply. What, what, WHAT is so funny about me telling you how work is going that is making you laugh out LOUD!
Even facebook status’ aren’t safe. “Life is a bitch .. lol” .. “Lost my phone .. lol .. message me your #s”.
So that’s it. One more lol out of you with no real context means that you will have to be committed.
“Freedom”
The overuse of, and the wrong context to gets this on the list. Especially with recent US election history and certain wars that need to end. As far as I understand it, if you are fighting for freedom then you are not the attacker but the attacked. Yes it wonderful to be free. And no I do not want to live life shrouded indoors and not allowed to step out. Its just that I’ve heard it way too much. And almost always from the sort of person who uses it in the wrong context.
So no you may not ask people if they value their freedom just to justify wars that started for other reasons.
And neither is it socially correct - or non-retarded for that matter – to ask people if they like freedom? What kind of response do you give to that? Um no, I like living in the cage that Hansel was put in to fatten up?
“Have a nice one”
Admittedly having lived in the States the last few years I have heard this a lot more then in other places. But during my last trip home I had quite a few a ‘have a nice one’ comments sprinkled here and there at the end of a few conversations. If its travelling across continents then its definitely making it to the list.
Have a nice what? What does that even mean? Are people so lazy now that they can’t even give a decent goodbye blessing or farewell or whatever? What is “one”? What are you wishing on the other person when you wish them a nice “one”.
Till someone answers that question no one should be allowed to wish you a ‘nice one’ without explanation.
“Good times”
Term contribution: Rosie
At the end of a conversation, even if it’s a good one, why do people feel the need to seal fate? As affirming that yes, it was good talking to you. You aren’t a moron and I am not going to block these last fifteen minutes out as a painful memory. If that’s not annoying enough, the overuse of the term makes you want to push the person guilty of saying it over a very, very high cliff that overlooks sharp rocks. This kind of person applies it to everything. I was talking about bread – why does that connate a good time?
“Hella / Fail / Fuckin’ A”
Term Contributor: T & I
So this pertains solely to brown people. I’m not racist, far from it in fact. Its just certain slang just does not maintain the correct innuendo when used by different races. And in this case its all you fellow brownies.
Take this conversation for example – true story mind you.
Me: “Hi Happy Birthday ! Whats up”.
Brown person: “Dude Im hella trashed at home. It was cold so I said Fuckin’ A man lets gets drunk right here at home.”
Me: “Glad you are having a good time.”
Brown person: “Fuckin A man. Fucking A”.
Um really? See, it just doesn’t match the face. And besides this attempt to slang didn’t even make sense. Why would you say Fuckin’ A to the cold? Or a lame party at home with er, your goldfish and your roommate?
Another example for you – and T swears its true. Facebook example no less.
Brown girl A puts up as her status: Saw Tabu and asked her if she was Juhi Chawla and Tabu got mad.
Brown girl B posts two pictures of both actors side by side and says: How could you mix them up?
Brown girl A: Fail.
As in epic failure? Fail? What? Need I say more?
“Omg! That’s .. soooo .. funnnnyyy”
Term Contributor: Rosie & I
So while we are playing the race card we must add that this is a very White term. And as much as I hate to admit it, its also limited to women.
So first off IM talk – as in abbreviations for whoever may take a mental minute – should be limited to online talk. And online talk only. I mean how lazy are you that you can’t speak in full sentences? What if everyone just normally talked like that?
Girl A: “Omg I’m so tired of her.”
Girl B: “Fml me too!”
Girl A: “She told me she would BRT. I mean Wtf?”
Girl B: “You should tell her to DIAF. Lol”
Girl A: “Omg! That’s .. soooo .. funnnnyyy”
Not only is it bad enough that ‘normal’ people are now talking in IM, but they are also dragging out sentences. Slowly. Not to mention painfully. So you tell me, how could this not be listed?
“When did you learn to speak English?”
Term Contributor: T
This has probably happened to every brown person I know living in the States. Especially from those who claim to be well versed in culture because they have a token friend of color. Admittedly though there is a higher chance of you hearing this in the Midwest. Sorry but you know its true.
How can a normal person ask someone that question with a straight face? More so, if we are actually having a conversation in PERFECT ENGLISH and you ask me how it is that my English is so good, how do you expect me to react? I mean are you retarded?
Or then when did I learn to speak English. All I really want to say to that is since I was a baby bitch. We were colonized too – look it up.
That’s the end of part one. I know the list is always growing - I should start writing these down or something.
